Talking Dirty

Whether a spicy voice note to get things going before a date, or by chance, with a little role play to bring a different flavour to the action [...] It’s something that can feel incredibly awkward and more than a little intimidating.

Most people have talked dirty to someone at some point in their relationship… whether it
was deliberate - as in spicy voice notes to get things going before a date, or by chance, with
a little role play to bring a different flavour to the action.

However, for many people, it’s something that can feel incredibly awkward and more than a
little intimidating. Why is this? How can we be so intimate physically and yet shy away from
talking about our desires – especially when it could mean we get exactly what we want!

Well, I think it’s safe to say that we’ve got some way to go before talking openly about sexual
pleasure is accepted or even…dare we imagine… encouraged. So, social and cultural
backgrounds play a part in making us clam up. Also, especially for newer relationships, a
fear of judgment, or a lack of confidence, can stop us from sharing our desires or fantasies.

But…sharing with your partner(s) can really enhance your connection, and it’s a great (and less
confronting) way to tell them what feels good or…not so good! 
So, if you're looking to dial up your communication but need a few pointers these
suggestions could help.


Communication is key

Before diving right in…we suggest having an open and honest conversation about your do’s
and don’ts. What gets you going, but also, what is a no go… Establishing boundaries and
comfort levels is vital to ensuring that all feel safe and respected and will only mean
that things flow rather than stutter. Know the turn ons and turn offs. One partner might not
like certain ‘names’ whereas others might really get them off. And check words to describe
body parts, you want to reach heights of ecstasy not send them into a body dysmorphic
head spin.

Start slow and build momentum

It’s not like porn, remember porn is a performance, it’s designed and directed to be
entertaining for the viewer, don’t go in too hard and too fast! As everything in life it's okay to
start slow by whispering a small instruction and gradually build momentum as you become
more comfortable. Begin with simple compliments or by sharing your desires in a playful and
suggestive manner. As you and your partner(s) become more at ease, you can explore more
explicit and adventurous language. 

Use descriptive language

When talking dirty to your partner(s), use descriptive language because it paints a vivid mental
image. Describe what you want to do to your partner(s) or what you'd like them to do to you.
The devil is in the detail. Use sensory words and phrases to enhance the eroticism and
intensity. Start off by speaking slowly and softly, make suggestions like “mmmn like that but
harder” is a good way to dip your toe in.

Pay attention

How your partner(s) reacts will give you clear cues during your dirty talk sessions. Regularly
check in to ensure that they’re comfortable and enjoying themselves. Encourage them – “it
makes me want you more when you tell me what you want to do to me” is always going to
go down well. Talking dirty is a great way to stay focused and in the moment, it can help
take you to new more intense levels of sensation and connection.

Don’t worry if you feel awkward or embarrassed at first, take your time, play with it and have
fun. It’s good to have a little debrief after your session, to listen and receive feedback, and
it’s totally ok to have a laugh and share what was hot and also what was not..!

Most importantly, have fun and be yourself. The more you’re able to let go of inhibitions and
allow yourself to fully embrace the experience, the greater the pleasure. Dirty talk is all about
exploring your desires and fantasies with your partner(s). In no time, you’ll be telling
them exactly what you want and when you want it.